An Odd Citizen’s Search For Vanishing Freedoms

I’m dreaming of a new business that will make me filthy rich. It’s really quite simple. Now that Congress has the go-ahead to treat a mandate as a tax, I’ll propose to them the Greenie Tax. Wouldn’t the environmentally inclined be really pleased if all Americans practiced green policies, such as low flow shower heads, energy efficient appliances, solar panels on the roof, flush-thrice toilets (Al Gore model), alternate fuel vehicles, etc. Now that would transform the country, wouldn’t it?

Here’s how it would work. Of course nobody has the moola to do all of the above greenie-things all at once. But the Congress could mandate that every American should spend, say $2,000 per year on environmentally beneficial products. If they couldn’t prove they spent this amount, they would be taxed — see how clever this is? But how would the government know that a citizen had complied with the requirement? Easy. Each citizen would annually have to purchase a Greenie Inspection Certification. And that’s where I come in. My new business would inspect homes for a fee, of course, and insure that the requisite expenditures had been made. My company would then issue a Greenie-Compliance-Certificate, good for one year’s exclusion from the Greenie Tax.

But why stop there? How about a fitness and pantry content tax and certification? How about a political education tax and certification? Could a reading-list tax and certification be far behind?

Can you see how rich I’d become by certifying all of those good things the government wishes to mandate? Why, we’d be such a wonderful country if only the government could effectively regulate our lives down to the smallest detail. And my company will be at the heart of it.

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